A Man’s Journey to Becoming Fully Known

Hello…this is Brian Hoover – a broken but rescued follower of Jesus, husband to the most amazing woman on earth – the love of my life who knows 100% of me, father to four (4) incredibly gifted children who embraced tough times and experienced God’s redemptive power. My hobbies include coaching/teaching, providing for my family, and working with men who are seeking more. Over the past several years, I have learned a lot about myself, my past, my addictions/struggles, my relationships and the transforming power of my God. Throughout this process, I’ve discovered three (3) fundamental truths that now shape my perspective about living free and being fully known. I have learned the following:

  1. Fear can be controlling and will encourage destructive behavior.
  2. Being fully known is possible and does lead to real peace and true freedom.
  3. Real, God-inspired transformation is possible but still requires intentional discipline – and strong accountability groups – to surrender every selfish moment.

Questions that I’ve wrestled with and still reflect on frequently are…How/Why do I live in Fear?  What creates a foundation of fear? How do I handle disappointments?  Am I seeking truth – real truth?  Do I really understand what ‘walking in the light’ means?  How do I handle the multiple pressures of work and family?  How do I leverage friendships and family to avoid an isolated life?  How does God play a role in my day-to-day life as a father, as a leader, as a follower?  How do I handle success? What exactly does “success” mean? How do I handle failure? Where do I tend to turn when stressed? When is the last time I had a real, transparent conversation with my wife or children? What does intimacy mean? Is real intimacy possible? Do I have a safe landing for truth telling? How has shame and guilt shaped my opinions of God and others? How has “busyness” or voluntary distractions isolated me from important relationships and living out an eternal purpose? So many questions to ponder in this life as a man. 

As a result of my personal experiences, good and bad, I am starting a blog that is prayerfully helpful for boys and men. I have always had a heart for helping boys and men on this journey of manhood since that type of role was non-existent in my own life as a child. RE:FUEL was a product of my passion to help men live courageously. My work at Highland (my home congregation), specifically with men, was a result of my desire for all men to follow Jesus authentically – without the barriers of religion. What I have come to fully understand is that all of my focus and energy in this area was only masking my own pain…my own fears…my own insecurities…my own pride and arrogance. I now understand that I was trying to “work” myself to righteousness – because of all of the unrighteousness that existed in my own life. I now understand that I was trying to suppress my failures/disappointments and store them away deep in my brain so I didn’t have to face them. As a result of not processing these emotions in a healthy way, I started adding “good works” to the mix to hide, or make up for, all of the dirt in my life. Throughout it all, I became very good at compartmentalizing everything and everyone in my life.  Although RE:FUEL served a purpose and we did some good things and inspired men to follow Jesus more authentically, it was not a healthy way to live and the passion to continue this effort eventually faded because of bitterness, anger, resentment, secret-living, ego, pride, arrogance and living on a cloud of fumes that couldn’t last forever.

If you are interested in exploring some of these topics together, and hearing tidbits of my journey and the wisdom God has put on my heart, please join this blog and let’s explore hard issues together. Maybe we will hit something that you are thinking about right now. Maybe we will strike a chord that motivates real action in your life. Maybe we will clarify some things that have been confusing to you on this journey. I really don’t know where this will go and/or who it will reach or if anyone will really want to listen – I really don’t know. I just know that I was hurting – I was alone – I was masking a lot of pain…but I was not the only guy experiencing these emotions. Now, I want to be as helpful as possible to anyone living in dark places today.

If you are lost, hurting, feeling lonely, feeling trapped or completely exhausted from living a compartmentalized life, you can contact me at 901.359.2424 and I will do the best I can to hear your pain and point you in the right direction for help. Getting help takes courage but if want to experience all that God has planned for you, every pain-point throughout the process will seem insignificant compared to the joy and peace you get on the other side – when you settle into a life focused on surrendering and carrying your cross – every moment of each day.

The next post will be on January 13 – we will start exploring FEAR and how it plays a critical and potentially dangerous role in our life as a man.