A Man’s Journey to Becoming Fully Known

Hello…this is Brian Hoover – a broken but rescued follower of Jesus, husband to the most amazing woman on earth – the love of my life who knows 100% of me, father to four (4) incredibly gifted children who embraced tough times and experienced God’s redemptive power, coach, businessman, advocate for men, and founder of RE:FUEL Memphis. Over the past several years, I have learned a lot about myself, my past, my addictions/struggles, my relationships and the transforming power of my God. Throughout this process, I’ve discovered four (4) fundamental truths that now shape my perspective about living free and being fully known. I have learned the following:

  1. The incredible freedom that comes from being fully known – to everyone. Truth telling really does set you free and the peace that comes with secret-free living is amazing.
  2. The need for meaningful accountability groups – changing habits is extremely difficult but a necessity for real change.
  3. The role of FEAR in my life – it was everywhere and I never realized it – until now.
  4. The amazing and transforming power of God in broken realities. God was with me in the darkest moments of my life.

Questions that I’ve wrestled with and still reflect on frequently are…How/Why do I live in Fear?  What creates a foundation of fear? How do I handle disappointments?  Am I seeking truth – real truth?  Do I really understand what ‘walking in the light’ means?  How do I handle the multiple pressures of work and family?  How do I leverage friendships and family to avoid an isolated life?  How does God play a role in my day-to-day life as a father, as a leader, as a follower?  How do I handle success? What exactly does “success” mean? How do I handle failure? Where do I tend to turn when stressed? When is the last time I had a real, transparent conversation with my wife or children? What does intimacy mean? Is real intimacy possible? Do I have a safe landing for truth telling? How has shame and guilt shaped my opinions of God and others? How has “busyness” distracted me from important relationships and living out an eternal purpose? So many questions to ponder in this life as a man. 

As a result of my personal experiences, good and bad, I am starting a blog that is prayerfully helpful for boys and men. I have always had a heart for helping boys and men on this journey of manhood since that type of role was non-existent in my own life as a child. RE:FUEL was a product of my passion to help men live courageously. My work at Highland (my home congregation), specifically with men, was a result of my desire for all men to follow Jesus authentically – without the barriers of religion. What I have come to fully understand is that all of my focus and energy in this area was only masking my own pain…my own fears…my own insecurities…my own pride and arrogance. I now  understand that I was trying to “work” myself to righteousness – because of all of the unrighteousness that existed in my own life. I now understand that I was trying to suppress my failures/disappointments and store them away deep in my brain so I didn’t have to face them…and then I started adding “good works” to the mix to hide, or make up for, all of the dirt in my life. Throughout it all, I became very good at compartmentalizing everything and everyone in my life.  Although we did some good things and inspired men to follow Jesus more authentically, it was not a healthy way to live and the passion to continue this effort eventually faded because of bitterness, anger, resentment, secret-living, ego, pride, arrogance and living on a cloud of fumes that couldn’t last forever.

If you are interested in exploring some of these topics together, and hearing tidbits of my journey and the wisdom God has put on my heart, please join this blog and let’s explore hard issues together. Maybe we will hit something that you are thinking about right now. Maybe we will strike a cord that motivates real action in your life. Maybe we will clarify some things that have been confusing to you on this journey. I really don’t know where this will go and/or who it will reach or if anyone will really want to listen – I really don’t know. I just know that I was hurting – I was alone – I was masking a lot of pain…but I was not the only guy experiencing these emotions. Now, I want to be as helpful as possible to anyone living in dark places today.

If you are lost, hurting, feeling lonely, feeling trapped or completely exhausted from living a compartmentalized life, you can contact me at 901.359.2424 and I will do the best I can to hear your pain and point you in the right direction for help. Getting help takes courage but if want to experience all that God has planned for you, every pain-point throughout the process will seem insignificant compared to the joy and peace you get on the other side – when you settle into a life focused on surrendering and carrying your cross – every moment of each day.